I Won't Say I'm In Love
by timenspace
Summary: Leia can't admit she's in love with Han. HL


_This is Leia's POV. The characters of Star Wars belong to George Lucas, as much as I wish Han was mine. Rated for the torture scene._

I cant be in love with him. Leia stop it. He's a smuggler. I'm a princess. Of a refugee people, yes but STILL!

"Princess," his voice broke my inner turmoil.

"What?" I purse my lips, disguising my tempestuous thoughts.

"Oh, I thought I would tell you we would land soon. In Cloud City. My friend, Lando Calrissian…."

I glared at him.

"Thanks."

"You like me."

"I do not."

"You like me because I'm a scoundrel." His eyes were sparkling with mischief.

"Just because I gave you one kiss flyboy…doesn't mean a thing. You just can't get it out of your head. Can you?"

"Whatever, Your Worshipfulness. Never been in love. Don't plan to be." But his words were empty. He was in love with me. Damn.

He walked out of the room. I knew I had been right. But I didn't relish my win. I was in love with him. Falling madly in love. With Han Solo, a pirate, a smuggler…he stole from the Rebellion, he stole from the Empire. Morals held no code with him. What was it about him that was so attractive? He was by the Force, had a great body. That had not passed my gaze. But would he love me? That was my real question, a question I would never ask. I had been burned before by men. Crazy for me. Crazy for my looks. Not crazy for my heart. Did Han really see me for me? Luke was in love with me. Disgusting! My own brother? Yet I had to smile. He didn't know anything did he? That was one thing Han was good at. He was always looking, finding fault with the galaxy around him. Then he had been places seen God knows how much of the universe in that contraption of his. Yes. He probably wasn't in love with me. Obsessed was more like it.

His laughter rang through the Falcon.

"LAUGH IT UP, you didn't get called a scruffy looking nerf herder!"

Chewie chuckled again.

I was grinning secretly to myself.

ON BESPIN

I heard Han screaming in pain. I was furious with my father, yet powerless to stop him. How was this possible? Han screamed again this time in pure agony. My heart wrenched. I just wanted to see him again, touch his face, perhaps nurse his wounds, I didn't know. I just wanted to talk to him. Could I? Han? In the far distant places, can you hear me? Can you hear my thoughts? Can you hear the love that is bubbling in my heart, boiling, Han it burns…It's a fire I can find the words…Han…I the words were coming….but did I mean them? The door opened and Han was thrown to the floor, no blood yes, but wracked with pain. I signaled to Chewie to put out the bed for him. If only we were in Alderaan…but I stopped myself. Alderaan no longer existed. Only in the secret places of her citizen's hearts. Pain stabbed in my heart. Gently I helped Han to lie down. He moaned and his eyes fluttered. Gently I caressed his cheek, murmuring his name. Chewie looked at me knowingly, his blue eyes taking in every detail, but I didn't notice. And my eyes filled with tears. Chewie grunted making noises I didn't understand. Han moaned again, mumbling my name.

Yes Han, I'm here. I wish I could tell you, say the words and mean them. Come on, princess say it. Say it. Stupid me. I was only able to nod and cry. Crying like a baby.

Then the guards came back….forcing us to a fate I didn't want to face. Han was bound, hand and foot. I glared at Calrissian. Traitor! Thief! But who could blame him? But I hated him. Hated him for doing this to Han. Hated him with every ounce of Tatooine and Naboo blood.

Chewie held me, with C-3PO strapped to his back, dismembered. Chewie sensed my fear, and I felt his fear, as he held me tighter. Chewie grunted as they prepared a platform for Han. They would execute him? Right in front of us? But nothing was above Vader.

"PREPARE THE FREEZING CYCLE," Vader said.

Carbon Freeze? I had heard of it but never heard of it being used on humans? Was this possible? I wasn't sure. Would Han live? Realizing may be our last chance to speak, Chewie roared in pain for Han.

The Princess! He whispered.

You have to look after her. I'll be okay big guy.

Then his eyes turned on mine. Glimmering. Sparkling. Dark brown as his jacket. I put on my brave face. And then suddenly, he bent down and kissed my lips. Passion of love coursed between us for one moment of bliss.

Was this really possible? A princess and a scoundrel? But the moment was gone as the clones pulled him away. A single tear hung on my cheek. I had to tell him. He didn't know I….

"I love you…"

He smiled, sideways cocky grin. Always in control. Yet soft this time

"I know…"

Such meaning in two words! I love you too…his eyes told me. Will we ever see each other again? Questions now. Will we see our love blossom, Leia? Ever? I love you….The mist disguised his expression, and Chewie continued to howl.

My cruel remarks echoed in my head. "I'D SOONER KISS A WOOKIE!"

I buried my shame in Chewie's arm.

The steam hissed and swirled. Machines.

Then they pulled up the carbonite. Han. Frozen in a pained expression. Reaching for me. I had to save him. Had to. They took him away. And we were made to follow. Chewie snapped when a clone grabbed my arm, and he shrunk back. Lando guided us to a separate corridor, toward Vader's ship.

"I have gone back on my deal. I shouldn't have even made it."

His eyes apologized to me for what had happened.

"The FALCON is waiting for you at Platform 6, good luck, may the Force be with you. "

And he left.

Chewie, and R2 went to the ship, and I ran alongside.

"Think we can fly this thing?"

Chewie growled and showed me the controls, and we guided into space.

Suddenly life flashed before me.

LEIA…screaming my name

LEIA

Luke….Luke's in trouble. Where are you?

I'm here. Leia. Hurry!

The base of the city. On a radio tower. Dangled my brother.

"Luke. We have to go back. I know where Luke is."

The Force. The Force had told me. Little surprise though. Considering. My father. Anakin. Suddenly visions flashed in my head. A blonde boy, more tempestuous than Luke. The queen. Not so unlike me. Was it possible? Anakin and Padme. Leia and…Han. I probed, could I feel his thoughts? No pain, just confused nightmares. I had to find him, had to reestablish our connection. I loved him. Finally I admitted it to myself. We'll find you Han. If we have to overturn the galaxy.

Flames welcome.


End file.
